After learning the term “soaking” last week, nothing can surprise me. (Seriously, “Soaking“, you’ll be like, WTF?!) Apparently “Soaking” is something Mormon students at BYU actually do to remain pure in the eyes of the Lord (I guess). I obviously can’t confirm if “soaking” is made up or if people actually do it. I don’t care one way or the other but it does not seem very satisfying for either party, kind of like Michele Bachmann’s marriage. (Zing!)
While doing research on the topic of “soaking” I came across this dilly of a pickle: “Bubbling” or “Mormon Porn.” I was thrown for loop and wondered if this was something real or something made up. Again, I can’t confirm one way or the other, but “Bubbling” tickles me. If “bubbling” is real, then this practice illustrates the problem with the Church’s prohibition on pornography: it leads people to obsess on the subject in unhealthy ways. It’s like telling someone, “don’t think about an elephant” because the first thing you think about is an elephant. Same thing if you say, “don’t think about porn” it’s the first thing people will think about.
In 2009, a Harvard Business School professor released a study that showed pious Utah as the state with the highest rates of online porn subscriptions, leaving the rest of the world to wonder why Utah hasn’t figured out how to get it for free yet. In every single bi-annual Church Conference at lease one person will give a talk about the “evils” of pornography and overcoming pornography “addiction”, Google it and see how many articles and talks pop up. I don’t know why human beings are voyeurs, but we are, and let’s face it, porn is exciting. Anything is even more exciting when it’s forbidden. The flip side to this coin is the toxic, useless guilt that comes with a healthy appreciation for porn, human sexuality and your own body when you are a devout Mormon.
There is even a support group, Sons of Helaman, for young Mormon men who have an “addiction” to pornography and masturbation which of course is never clearly defined. Apostle Mark E. Peterson gave a talk and listed some helpful tips in overcoming masturbation which included tying your hand to the bedpost. How one is supposed to tie their own hand to the bed post and why he believes bondage will keep people from thinking about sex is beyond me. These talks about pornography and masturbation are never directed towards the women of the Church, only the men. Apparently girls don’t view porn or practice self-love (or as the Church calls it “self-abuse”) even though I’ve never felt abused, if you know what I’m saying.
The way to discuss pornography is the same way as anything else: openly and honestly. I know a guy who was sneaking around trying to get his hands on a Playboy magazine when he was about 12 years old. His mother found out and instead of going berserk and signing him up for a program to help him overcome his addiction, she got him a subscription. He said by the time the second issue came, he was no longer interested.
I found the “Mormon porn” on this website. It looks like the images have been removed. Lucky for the world I know how to right-click and save images! So feast your eyes on this obsessive compulsive waste of time. (I do admit, it’s rather effective.)
For those of us who enjoy the men folk here is some “Mormon Porn”
Sexy!
cant believe i wasted my time on your site even reading this
Very interesting (and altogether unsurprising) insights. I don’t know if it’s more funny or unfortunate that hormonal LDS youth turn to this as an alternative to a) sex and b) porn. I have to say, though, as much as they want to say that “soaking” isn’t sex, they’re just kidding themselves. It’s just a poorly disguised cop-out. As much as I personally value pre-marital virginity (I’m just a few notches short of “prude”), the suppression that the Church advocates is just unsustainable.
Anyway, keep writing. Love reading your thoughts and blurbs.
Thank you, Ken. I appreciate it.
Soaking and docking are common. Gazing is also a good time. Derfing (dry farming) is a common BYU term.
these are all words I have never heard. It’s a whole new world of information!
Wait, I know what docking is
but how does a guy and girl do it?
lol docking was the only term i knew. haha
The LDS do seem to have an unusually fearful preoccupation with sexuality. They seem to go to far with the fear and only exasperate the issue. Those ED meds do warn of loss of vision though… so who knows.
I’m totally turning japanese looking at these.
This is great. I’ve learned so goddamn much….. sigh… oh mormons…
Damn, if I’d have know that ‘soaking’ wasn’t actually having sex, I’d have done it a long time ago.
Who said it’s only sex if there’s movement? I’m missing something here….
I agree that Mormon’s in general are totally repressed about sex and sexuality. Makes it hard as a young married, when your whole life you’ve been taught how bad and evil sex is, then you get married and told to go for it, and it’s like what? huh? how?
Does not make for healthy relationships.
That’s what I’ve always thought… how can sex be soooooo bad and wrong one minute then literally the next minute be totally ok? That is not healthy and can only lead to dysfunction and unhappiness.
I am mormon and have never once been told that sex was wrong, wicked or bad, I am taught and believe that it is for our own benefit to wait, until we have met someone who we can connect with on a deeper emotional level, not just a physical sexual level, who we want to spend our lives with before we give that part of ourselves to just anyone. (maybe I had some better teachers??)
Also I dont know if it was this post but someone mentioned the Mrmon cult, which really annoys me, we arent a cult, I am not a mindless drone following orders from the men at the top because i can’t think for myself, and you yourself are proof that no one is forced to stay a member if they don’t want to, (I dont really know where im going with this but i just wanted to put it out there).
I too am a Mormon and was taught that sex was bad. Just yesterday a friend and I were discussing a lesson she recieved in Young Women’s where they were each given a napkin and told not to soil it because no one wants to use a used napkin. My sisters had lessons where they were compared to chewed up gum if they had sex before marriage. Spencer Kimball wrote in Miracle of Forgiveness that it’s better for rape victim to die defending herself from being raped than to live not having tried to stop it. (Draconian advice at best.) McConkie said in Mormon Doctrine “I would rather have you come back home in a pine box with your virtue than return alive without it.” It’s better to be dead than not a virgin. I’m not going to beat around the bush on this, that advice is horrific and wrong. And it warps people’s perception of healthy sexual relationships.
For a more thorough and fascinating discussion I’ll refer you to Mormon Expression:
Female Sexuality in the Mormon Church, http://mormonexpression.com/2011/03/08/120a-female-sexuality-in-the-lds-culture-part-1/
Discussing Pornography with your future son in law http://mormonexpression.com/2011/08/30/154-discussion-pornography-with-your-future-son-in-law/
And to Mormon Stories:
Pornography, Masturbation, Sex and Marriage in Mormonism http://mormonstories.org/?p=1506
There are more at both websites, but those are just a few worth checking out.
My name is J. Seth Anderson, I’m an Eagle Scout, returned missionary, former gospel doctrine teacher, vegetarian, sexually active gay man…. and I’m a Mormon.
Thanks, Ive only had time to hear the first one, it is interesting that those are thier experiences with sex before marriage. I don’t think the church should be held to account for all of thier misjudgements, it seemed like alot of it was thier parents, who ay have just found it awkward to discuss those things, and that happens outside of the church also, if it didnt then i dont think schools would feel the necessity to include sex ed. In saying that even in the church Utah is referred to as the “bubble” so around the world our sexual eucation is SO different, (speaking for myself) I’m only 2nd generation mormon, so maybe thats a contributing factor. I can honestly say though that i never heard the chewing gum, cupcake, napkin analogies. thats a bit awkward.
one question for mormon december 10th:
if you are mormon, why are you looking at this post anyways?
but honestly, i dont mind being a cult, cult stands for culture.
however i do know many mindless drones who follow blindly, my bishop specifically told me not to sell my artwork because i couldnt “sustain myself” selling art (and it wasnt even porn!) and yet i made more then than i do now! he “prayed” about it. and i do know plenty of teens who are forced by thier parents… lol but i still go to church because i like the book of mormon and generally the ORIGINAL church principals (everything before brigham young). i dont like the “modern” leaders opinions so i just read on my kindle during those lessons.